England’s missing middle: the last blastI can’t keep doing this. I’ve been blastin’ so long. There are only so many different ways one can say the same thing.Jul 15, 2024Jul 15, 2024
England should play like England. It’s not what you thinkMark my words: Jude Bellingham won’t score another last-gasp overhead kick equaliser at Euro 2024.Jul 5, 2024Jul 5, 2024
This is Jude Bellingham’s England team now. That’s the problemGareth Southgate has many qualities, but is not quite good enough to be the manager of the English national team in men’s football…Jun 24, 2024Jun 24, 2024
It has taken Southgate too long to discover England’s best team… and then he waits too long to…Gareth Southgate made the right call in selecting Phil Foden on the left, and Trent Alexander-Arnold in central midfield, for England’s…Jun 18, 2024Jun 18, 2024
How Mary Earps broke football: an interim blastMen’s football is increasingly soulless, and a lot closer to implosion than we realise. Women’s football could be collateral damage — or…Sep 7, 2023Sep 7, 2023
Will this do? On accepting England’s admirable averagenessIt seems nobody quite knows what to think about England’s quarter-final exit at the men’s 2022 World Cup. The team did not play poorly, so…Dec 14, 2022Dec 14, 2022
Southgate embraces the maddness‘But I don’t want to go among mad people,’ Alice remarked. ‘Oh, you can’t help that,’ said the Cat. ‘We’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re…Nov 12, 2022Nov 12, 2022
England should boycott the World Cup. The risk of winning it is too highEngland are probably not going to win the upcoming men’s World Cup. But we might. There is no clear favourite, and England’s core squad has…Sep 30, 2022Sep 30, 2022
Oh dear: England deserved to win Euro 2020 [Berry’s Biennial Blast]I do not like the notion that losing teams ‘deserved’ to win particular football matches. It should be enough comfort for supporters to…Jul 13, 2021Jul 13, 2021
Disjointed England defy Danish destiny [Berry’s Biennial Blast]You would have to have a heart of stone not to feel pleased for this group of players. One of the best things about England finally…Jul 9, 2021Jul 9, 2021
England finally embrace their crapness [Berry’s biennial blast]Gareth Southgate is an exceptional politician. He had the soft left drooling over an essay which apparently outlines a progressive version…Jun 30, 2021Jun 30, 2021
Southgate’s soft centre [Berry’s biennial blast]What’s the problem? England are a half-decent team with a novice coach. After edging a dull opening match against Croatia, a goalless draw…Jun 20, 2021Jun 20, 2021
A class act?It has been quite a thrilling week for this country. The verdict is in, and it turns out we are not institutionally racist. We only hate…Apr 3, 2021Apr 3, 2021
Archaeological fieldwork notes re species extinction: ‘The Economy’ and ‘Earth’ in the capitalist…This week’s focus of my archaeological research has been a review of the religious beliefs of the species in the immediate pre-apocalyptic…Apr 23, 2020Apr 23, 2020
[Berry’s biennial blast] Football’s coming undoneAt times of discord, a bit of a rethink is no bad thing. Hang On a Minute and Doubt Yourself, You. I do mind admitting that your friendly…Jul 12, 2018Jul 12, 2018
[Berry’s biennial blast] Are you Dr Liam Fox in disguise?It became a patriotic imperative after 23 June 2016 to shout as loudly as possible that no, actually, Britain is probably not the greatest…Jul 5, 2018Jul 5, 2018
[Berry’s biennial blast] Ignore the hat-trick and the armband — Harry Kane is a spare partCredit to Gareth Southgate. As a coach, he is a bit crap but — despite the delusional, hubristic gibberish that he spouts as often as he…Jun 24, 2018Jun 24, 2018
[Berry’s biennal draft] Southgategate*What an absolutely wretched performance. The only consolation for England, apart from the three points, was that many of the leading…Jun 21, 2018Jun 21, 2018
[Berry’s biennial draft] Is it too late to clone Fabian Delph?England’s inept performance at Euro 2016 means that Roy Hodgson will rightly go down as one of the worst managers of the male national…Jun 7, 2018Jun 7, 2018