It seems nobody quite knows what to think about England’s quarter-final exit at the men’s 2022 World Cup. The team did not play poorly, so the blame game has been rather muted. …

‘But I don’t want to go among mad people,’ Alice remarked. ‘Oh, you can’t help that,’ said the Cat. ‘We’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad.’ ‘How do you know I’m mad?’ said Alice. ‘You must be,’ said the Cat, ‘or you wouldn’t have come here.’ I am quite…

England are probably not going to win the upcoming men’s World Cup. But we might. There is no clear favourite, and England’s core squad has built up a useful supply of tournament nous. It is imperative therefore that we withdraw. Hear me out. First, this is a World Cup that…

I do not like the notion that losing teams ‘deserved’ to win particular football matches. It should be enough comfort for supporters to know that their team could have won. It means they might win next time. On this occasion, however, I am going to say it: England thoroughly deserved…

You would have to have a heart of stone not to feel pleased for this group of players. One of the best things about England finally reaching a ‘major final’ in men’s football is that this mostly modest group, with a few genuinely lovely and inspirational people among them, managed…

Gareth Southgate is an exceptional politician. He had the soft left drooling over an essay which apparently outlines a progressive version of English patriotism, while swerving all of the thorny issues that render its positivity an illusion (inequality, racial injustice, immigration, Brexit, the union…). For his next trick, he played…

What’s the problem? England are a half-decent team with a novice coach. After edging a dull opening match against Croatia, a goalless draw against a capable and well-managed Scotland — virtually guaranteeing qualification for the knockout stages of Euro 2020 — should clearly be considered a good result. …

It has been quite a thrilling week for this country. The verdict is in, and it turns out we are not institutionally racist. We only hate our poor! Such a relief. We also learned, after three consecutive wins against stellar opponents, that England has a decent men’s football team. …

This week’s focus of my archaeological research has been a review of the religious beliefs of the species in the immediate pre-apocalyptic period. This includes cataloguing last month’s excavation and analysis of data recovered in recent finds, focused on latter day storage formats used on the Earth planet. …